Communicating your perinatal mental health needs to your partner - Geelong Counselling and Therapy

Pregnancy and postpartum can be emotionally and physically challenging, and having the support of your partner can make all the difference. However, communicating your mental health needs, especially when you’re already feeling overwhelmed, isn’t always easy.

Why Communication Matters

When it comes to perinatal mental health, your partner may not know what you’re experiencing unless you tell them. While they might notice physical changes or signs of stress, they may not fully understand the emotional weight you’re carrying. Honest and clear communication helps:

•Build a stronger connection.

•Create a supportive environment for you and your baby.

•Ensure you don’t face challenges alone.

Steps to Communicate Your Needs

1. Start the Conversation Early

Waiting until you’re overwhelmed can make it harder to communicate effectively. Choose a calm moment to bring up your feelings and concerns. For example:

•“I’ve been feeling more emotional than usual, and I think it’s important we talk about it.”

•“I want to share how I’ve been feeling during this pregnancy so we can work through it together.”

2. Be Honest About How You Feel

It’s important to articulate your emotions clearly. Be specific, but keep it simple:

•“I’ve been feeling really anxious about the baby’s arrival.”

•“I feel overwhelmed and sometimes don’t know how to manage everything.”

•“I’ve been feeling sad, even though I thought this would be a happy time.”

You don’t have to have all the answers—sharing how you feel is the first step.

3. Use “I” Statements

Avoid language that might make your partner feel defensive. Instead of saying, “You never help me,” try:

•“I feel really stressed, I would find it really helpful for some more help around the house.”

•”I feel lonely when I’m struggling with my emotions by myself.”

“I” statements focus on your feelings and needs without assigning blame.

4. Be Specific About What You Need

Your partner might want to help but may not know how. Offering clear suggestions makes it easier for them to support you:

•“Can you check in with me at the end of the day and ask how I’m doing?”

•”I’d really appreciate it if you could handle dinner a few nights a week.”

•Could you join me at my next prenatal appointment? I feel like it would help to have you there.”

5. Share What You’re Learning About Perinatal Mental Health

Sometimes partners don’t fully understand the emotional toll of pregnancy or postpartum. Share resources, like articles or podcasts, to help them empathize with what you’re going through:

•”I read that postpartum anxiety is really common—this article helped me understand it better. I’d love for you to read it too.”

•“I learned that these mood swings are related to hormones. Can we work together to find ways to make things feel easier?”

This approach frames the conversation as a team effort.

6. Acknowledge Their Feelings, Too

Your partner may also have fears, concerns, or confusion about what’s happening. Encourage an open dialogue:

•”How are you feeling about everything? I want us to be able to support each other.”

•” Iknow this is a big change for both of us. What’s been on your mind?”

Acknowledging their feelings fosters mutual understanding and strengthens your connection.

What to Do If Your Partner Doesn’t Understand

Sometimes, even with the best intentions, your partner may not fully grasp your needs. Here’s how to navigate that:

1.Be Patient: Emotional challenges during pregnancy and postpartum can be hard to comprehend for someone who isn’t experiencing them. Give them time to process.

2.Seek Support Together: Invite your partner to a therapy session, prenatal class, or support group to learn more.

3.Lean on Others: If your partner struggles to provide the emotional support you need, reach out to trusted friends, family, or a professional therapist.

Examples of What to Say

If you’re unsure how to start, here are some examples:

•Opening Up:

“I’ve been feeling really anxious lately, and I don’t want to go through this alone. Can we talk about how you can support me?”

•Asking for Help:

“I know we’re both busy, but I need more help at home. Could you take on [specific task] so I can rest more?”

•Expressing Appreciation:

“Thank you for listening to me. It means a lot to know you’re here for me.”

Tips for Effective Communication

•Choose the Right Time: Talk when you’re both calm and can focus on the conversation.

•Be Open to Feedback: Your partner may have their own perspective or ideas on how to help.

•Keep Checking In: Make communication an ongoing habit, not a one-time event.

Navigating perinatal mental health challenges is easier with a strong partnership. By opening up about your feelings and asking for support, you’re not only prioritising your well-being but also fostering a deeper connection with your partner. Remember, you’re in this together—and seeking help when needed is a sign of strength.